Okay, I grew up NOT drinking any soda.  Sugar never touched these lips.  My mom made wheat crackers with cream cheese colored with food coloring for Valentine’s parties at school.  And that’s what I called a “cookie”. But seriously, mom, can you make those again cause I did love them.  They were good.  So if we never had a cookie, which may have had some sugar in it, there is definitely no way a soda would be allowed in the house.  I don’t remember my dad or mom drinking soda even.  I remember our treat would be like the small Sprite at McDonald’s (which was part of the treat) because we got A’s on our report card and they had the free meal deal.  I liked never having soda; I never knew the difference of not having soda. Maybe a Slurpee every now and then…  I don’t really remember my dad drinking it (oh, believe me, he does) and I only remember my mom having Diet Coke Big Gulp later in my childhood when she worked with a friend cleaning houses.  It was a big deal to go 7-11.

In junior high, I discovered that at lunch, you can put your $.50, yes only $.50, in a machine that delivered crappy food to you.  I, and I hope I have admitted this to mom already before she reads this because I am sorry if I didn’t, spent my extra quarters that I didn’t use on the pay phone- cause pay phones were cool and I had lonely lunches so yeah, I called home, whatever- and put them in these machines.  And out came…. Mt Dew.  Ahhh, Mt Dew was my first love.  Now, I didn’t exactly sneak it, but I knew that I should probably not be drinking this sugary, and CAFFEINATED, beverage.  I also discovered the student store, where you could by two sodas with your student points.  What in the world????  Of course this was a deal! Mt Dew was my go to vice at school then.  Plus, you get involved in after school stuff and what did they do?  Order you pizza and more soda.

Then, in 8th grade, the cute boy in my classes got us all to try JOLT.   Talk about a caffeine high.  Now remember, I would drink tea, summer tea especially with my dad, but soda caffeine is another story.  Then they invent a drink called Jolt, advertising more caffeine than your average soda?  I was hooked.  Man.  Look at that.  A cute boy tells me to try something, I do, get hooked, and he never even sat next to me at lunch.  That’s the start of most Lifetime movies.

So I rode the wild ride of soda and secret vending machine purchases til sophomore year.  Then my first boss, a family friend, got me coffee!!!!!!  That’s an entirely different story and I will never give that up.  But I can argue the health benefits of that and all.  So anyways, sophomore year, I got in pretty good, albeit spaghetti shape.  I looked like a noodle on the volleyball team.  Soda ran rampant freshman year, and sophomore year I decided to quit it.  So I did briefly.  For swimming.  Cause we were like using weights, and swimming all the time and I was eating vegetarian.  So yeah, I could quit.  Then our coach told us that soda helps when doing sprint races because it gives you a boost right before the race.  Too bad I did long distance.  I didn’t drink it I think for that entire season and most of the summer.

The next heavy use period of my life would be when I got a job at the library.  Right across the street from the magical place my mom got those red and white Big Gulp cups.  And guess what?  15 minute break meant my best friend Nicole and I could get (I am not joking about this) a bag of chips each, a candy bar each, a soda each, and usually some more fattening snacks for later.  We did Slurpees for a long time.  Then, we fell in love with Dr. Pepper.  Now, when someone you are as close to as I am to Nik, drinks the soda with you, you aren’t going to give it up.  You don’t want to look like a loser when I get a bottle of water instead.  Right?  Right?  So I drank Dr. Pepper pretty much daily.  Work required this of me.  I was on my feet in the bustling world of shelving.  I had to stay on point.  I had to be alert!

Then, we ventured out, and Vanilla Dr. Pepper from Sonic.  My goodness.  Nothing better.  Then Nik decided to get pregnant after nine years of soda break time (with a few weeks of “let’s switch to ice tea!”) and we quit the soda again.  This time I did really well.  I only drank every now and then and even was off it for months two years ago.  Then the stress of life turned me to the Dr. Pepper again which actually changed to Coke Zero. I have ever since been sucking down the Coke Zero like I can’t function without it.  Some days I feel like that.  I know that if I can make it through work, I have a soda waiting in my fridge.  I bought the little cans so I could keep them in my purse.  I bought cases of it just to have under my desk.  Coke Zero, you helped my headaches!  You made me wake up! You were so refreshing!  I loved you Coke Zero! But you are wrong for me.  I can’t believe I drink soda after my mom did such a good job of teaching us that it’s not so great for you.  I counted on it to make my day better, clear my thoughts, and even sometimes declared it my entire lunch cause I just wanted a Coke!

But no more!  2012 will be soda free!  I think.  No it will!! If Joan has made it 17 more days than me, I surely can do the rest of the 348.  Oh wait.  Oh no, it’s leap year, so add a day.  Okay!  Tomorrow will be my last soda!  No, I am joking; it’s today.  I don’t have any more so to justify it being tomorrow I would have to buy a six-pack at least, and then that would be six more days…

AND NO!  Today.

Well, I loved this place.  I need to take my mom back.  They have all the vegetarian, vegan, organic options you could hope for.  And they had a juice bar!  Mom and Seth have been on a juice kick lately, so yay on this. We were the only two in there (we arrived 45 minutes before closing) but it was a neat little cafe with couches even.  And a bar to order juice, smoothies, coffee, etc. They had a stage where Marsha` said they were doing karaoke last time she was there.

I got the lemongrass chicken salad that came with pita bread.  My goodness this was so good.  It had this dressing that reminded me of some kind of Thai food, and the greens were amazingly fresh.  And it was huge! Didn’t even finish it.  Marsha` got a Caesar Chicken Burger but ate it so fast I didn’t get pictures.  I got a Sweet Rose hot tea.  I love all rose flavored things and this tea was so good.  And the hot tea was nice since it was kind of chilly last night!

After dinner we headed to the M.  Or is it just M? There was a

folk band called Ok Sweetheart playing for free.  See how this on a budget thing is working out?  Totally great!  This was at the Hostile Grape.  It is a wine cellar, which is way more sophisticated then a bar, right?  And we met up with our library intern Rae who is super cool like us and her friend who was super cool too.  I really liked Ok Sweetheart and they even have a song in Contraband that just came out with Mark Wahlberg and I must see that movie. Anyways, it was a nice non smokey place to hang out and they had comfy couches and over all it was a very nice night. The picture is blurry but I feel my blog needs more color.

And then I was in bed by eleven and got to sleep in until eight.  Which makes for an even better weekend.  Even if I am a Saturday Librarian.  (Joan, I really felt the need to hash tag that. )

OH! And we ended the night by attacking the carrot cake dessert in my drive way. It was amazing! I realized I should have taken a picture because it was so cute but I already ate most of it.

Related to this, is my goal of ten dinners.  Ten dates basically.  They don’t have to be dinner.   I can have dinner with the same person more than once.  But it comes from my tendency to have dumb boyfriends.  I like to date a guy twice then when they want to be my boyfriend, sure why not?  I want to branch out a little.  Meet new people.  And yes, meet guys that will buy me a dinner.  I want to go out on dates, and even if I don’t like the guy enough to make out with him, maybe form some new friendships.  I need more guy friends.  For like weddings and parties and other events that would be nice to have a male person to take.  To be fair, all my friends could use my brother Seth in emergencies like these.  I figure ten is a good number because that is about one a month.  And it would be dinner, coffee, movie, whatever.  My requirements are that it is a guy that has the possibility of a second date (so no random guys just to count it) and they have to pay.  I think I got that last boyfriend because I was desperate for a boyfriend.  And I really am not now.  I want to just try and get some free food.

But.  Today is my first day back to my eh job after four glorious days of lounging and movie watching and eating and to tell the truth I didn’t comb my hair since Thursday.  Hats, ponytails and actual natural wave for about half a day.  I came back in full force though.  Smile on my face, glitter five inch heels and my pretty cashmere sweater.  Cause gosh darn it, I will be the vain, smart ass, queen I was before last year.  I can not like my job, I can feel lonely sometimes, I can be poor as dirt, but I REFUSE to be the sad, self pitying person I was last year.

I stayed with a guy I did not like because I didn’t feel I deserved better, I stopped working out because I didn’t feel like it made a difference.  I was sad.  I was mean and I was not standing up straight.  I am going to stand up straight.  I am going to be in the best shape ever thanks to Leona’s insistence on boot camp.  I am going to save my money without feeling like I can’t be social. I am going to work my job with the gratefulness that I have a job.   I am starting this year with a way better attitude, with incredibly supportive friends, and a much happier family.  Right Seth?  And I get my hair done tomorrow and I am going back very blonde.  Circa 2007 blonde.

So cheers to 2012!  I am making this year my bitch.

But the big thing that was so stressful, is I broke up with my boyfriend.  I have been worried for sixth months and even expressed this worry to him, that I don’t feel appreciated, loved, adored.  I want to be adored.  I want to know someone thinks about me randomly throughout their day and they text me, e-mail, tweet, FB.  I mean everyone else I know keeps in touch through these forms at least and it’s nice to be thought of.  He tried, he did, but it continued to be an emotionally draining job for me to make sure he was happy when I wasn’t happy.  He was more stressed about life in general than I was, so when I would see him on his bad days, it was clear that I was not supposed to be around.   Like it was too much work.  Even though I was a super easy girlfriend.  I mean I spent more time trying to think of things he likes, CDs, meals, places to go, movies because I wanted to make him happy.  And I think I did.  I think we had fun, a lot of the time.  But I also started thinking ahead and not seeing him in my future.

I truly started taking one week at a time in hopes that I would feel better or he would give me some attention. And I felt so bad for thinking I wanted more attention.  I mean how greedy does that sound?  But after a year together I decided I should be feeling like I was getting attention.  I feel like for over a year together, it broke my heart for a brief moment to leave his house for that last time, but not much longer.  And that’s not right either. I felt like it was just going to happen anyways.  We shared a lot of time, a lot of meals, a lot of movies.  But we didn’t share pieces of who we were.  He didn’t know much about me and at first that’ s what made the relationship easy.  But then it soon made it a hollow feeling.  I know it is the right decision.  But it’s still hard to know for the compromises I made I didn’t get a lot of compromise back.  I didn’t get the things I needed and he wanted to give me that, but it just isn’t his personality.  So why is it after a year later that someone has to make that hard decision?  Why can’t my brain just decide immediately that a relationship can go somewhere and I can just start something knowing there is a future?

Wow,  that feels better to write it out.  It’s hard to explain to my friends (who are super awesome by the way) because they didn’t know a lot of what was happening since I knew it was wrong what I was feeling and kept my mouth shut. I tell them in pieces.  I saw him today at a 5k though.  And it was almost worse that it wasn’t so hard to see him for the first time.  Not that I want either of us to be devastated, but shouldn’t we be a little more uncomfortable?  It just confirms that if we were unsure of how we felt we would have needed more closure.  We would have needed more time to talk about it.  But we don’t. So that is good for me in a way.  I think I am just more upset at myself that I spent that year trying so hard and wasn’t able to see it clearer when I felt things weren’t right.

I guess it’s all about lessons.  I know I do need to be spoiled slightly.  I need to have contact with someone daily in more than one text a day.  I need to feel loved because I don’t ask for it, but because I deserve it.  And I need someone to surprise me with a plan every now and then.  So yeah, if you can tell me not to worry and what time you are picking me up and do this through a phone call hours before the date let me know.

Two posts in two days! Yeah, I am.  And another one coming maybe. 

Some favorites for now.  Well, the first one was a favorite.  I finished it fast and then didn’t have bad dreams til last night.  But it was Stephen King’s Full Dark, No Stars.  I read The Gunslinger once and that has been my extent of Stephen.  The boyfriend loves him though, so thought I would give this a try.  Holy crap so good.  And awful at the same time.  I couldn’t put it down though.  I also finally started The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by Steig Larsson.  I can’t say it is a favorite yet, cause I am not far in it, but I am glad I finally have time to start the book. 

Favorite snack right now.  And I can’t get enough and they cost a pretty penny.  Why can’t I have cheap tastes?

And I love Dunkin Donuts Toasted Almond coffee with coconut creamer.  mmmm. 

Favorite polish? Sally Hansen’s new polishes.  Oh so pretty.  I am wearing Crushed right now.  And flip flops even.  shhhh. 

Favorite music- I am rotating Florence and the Machine, Adele, and Mumford and Sons right now.  Since I went to the Black Keys concert, I have taken a break.  But just a short one. 

        Favorite thing to wear?  I ordered maybe a few of these tees, and am planning on getting just a few more.  I can’t help it.  They are comfy, super cute, and Orin likes a girl in a v-neck T-shirt.  Oooh.  Now that I look at the line up, I only need (yes need) four more.

Well, since you want to know what my life is like post-school here it is for you.  I ran a 5k.  Don’t have a photo that was really showing the glamour of my running, so imagine me okay?  In the process of planning the 5k with my library peeps, a bunch of us started a group to actually run.  A bunch of non runners with a super runner, running.  It was pretty cool and we still are going, and some of us are running another 5k this week!

I also found a mountain with Miss Leona, and we named it Cranberry Mountain and we have a place to live now.  We are thinking of having you over for a party, so look for the invite. Pretty view right?  We also have plans to turn it into a resort after retirement. 

Seth, Orin, Marsha` and I went to The Black Keys concert.  Holy crap, that was fun.  One of the best concerts ever.  I am seriously hot for those guys.  And Orin of course.  And we ate pizza before at this place called Enzo’s where they make these garlic knots.  It’s the most delicious buttery, garlicy thing ever. I will get a picture of those babies eventually.  I need to actually take the camera out of my purse more often.  And then I can put some garlic knots in.  Sounds like a plan. 

I have been reading.  Reading everything I can get my hands on.  Finally.  I think after school for so many years, I just wasn’t enjoying books like I used to.  So now I have gone through my list, my shelves, my holds and am actually getting some things knocked out.  I will tell you about what I am reading later when I do a favorites post cause I got a lot of those happening too.  Music, movies, TV, books, food.  Always food. 

Orin and I went camping again.  This time we traveled to Death Valley.  Oooohhh.  Well, Death Valley, known for its heat and more heat, was windy and more windy, then snowy and freezing.  So, other than being poorly equipped personally, (sleeping bag, jackets, pants, and um eight more layers were needed), we had a really good time.  Not as many meals cooked for me.  Dang.  Just too windy.  However, we saw Scotty’s Castle in the snow.  And found out that my Jeep, Lina, is just long enough to sleep in the back.  I had a blast though, and it made for good stories.  Go to my Flickr to see more exciting things. 

I would talk about Seth moving out, but will just wait and link you to his eye-opening blog on the matter, cause I am sure he will write one.  And then I could also talk about having the bathroom to myself, but that will be in a favorites post too.

Today I broke a nail.  It’s windy outside, I am in a dress, and I decided it would be a good time to take a HUGE bag of cans and glass to my car to take home to recycle.  Well, a gust came, dress went up, my hands went to stop it completely, the bag broke, glass broke, and cans went flying down the parking lot.  It was loud too.  And not a single employee heard it.  So, I am trying to stop some cans, remain decently covered, not get hit by a car,  and get bags in my car and then I jammed my nail.  Fantastic right?  After I swore a little, I wished somebody had seen it because it was pretty funny.  I am not even fixing my hair cause I go to lunch in a bit and I will take care of it then.  Freaking nail though.  Just got them done on Sunday.  All because I am trying to save the environment.

The students were batty. I mean completely off their rocker.  Except for maybe four students who I even thought were cool.  Shout out to Dora and of course Tawyna (cause I work with her and she is my friend, so of course she is cool).  But the majority of them were just not getting what libraries do.  I spent a lot of time on the side of, really, what are you thinking???  Because they would come up with these elaborate programs, collections and ideas, where I just kept thinking, have you been to a public library lately?  Do you know where their money comes from?  Some students merely were getting their third or fourth masters and wanted to talk about their other masters.  Want me to clap or what? Or you would get the student in the public services class who only wants to work in archives.  So related everything to their back room secret duties.  Hello?  You are supposed to be on board with storytime here.  And I even had the people who volunteered in a library, and so were above any and all library skills, because volunteering makes you super important.  Yeah, I appreciate volunteers, but just because I don’t have 60 hours a week to go cut out crafts doesn’t make me any less knowledgeable.  Other students just made no sense, or were so OCD ( I know it comes withe library territory, but leave room for moderation in the online environment people) that we could not work on a group project until we reviewed what the group talked about before.  Just assign me a portion of the assignment, I will talk to you in a week!  I think Seth has pictures of me crying, sleeping, and going nuts with my laptop in front of me, all for library school. And I have texts form my mom saying I can finish and she is so proud.  In fact, she is keeping the diploma cause she wants it more.

I love the library.  I love the people (for the most part).  I love helping someone, I love suggesting books; I do not love the lab and that is no secret.  I love getting someone a tax form when they didn’t even know we could do that for them.  I love when someone comes in with a random description for a cover and I use my google skills to find the book.  This was all taught to me before I even got into school though.  I learned from my library family how to treat a patron, how to kick out a patron, how to do a storytime (singing is way more fun with preschoolers then by myself), how to scrub tables, how to clean up puke, how to select materials, how to interpret weird questions and turn it into a succesful reference interview.  I have learned how to make origami trees, wear my glasses proudly, find misplaced books, request ILLS, move a library, make coffee,  make a display, create policies, deal with mouthy teens, remove graffiti, create things like book club in a bag and book clubs, set up projectors, tvs, and numerous other technological troubleshooting I never would have touched otherwise, and to be a librarian because my library people care about the patrons and the staff they help.

The last eleven years in the library have meant more to me then the three at school.  I never got a high off of a horrible cataloging assignment like I do when an American Girls program is awesome, or I get patrons to clear out a display, or when I talk to anyone in the community about the library 5k.  When I talk to all my friends (you know who you are), they may start by bitching about the library and patrons, and losing hours, and money, and no time and no staff, but it comes down to they want those back so they can help people.  I don’t collect library cards just for fun.  I collect them because a 16 year old who needed a part time job was given a glance at something so much cooler.  Libraries are freaking fantastic.  And I know I have had my share of my gosh, this sucks.  But seriously.  I learn something new every day, I teach something new everyday, and for every patron that grumbles and walks away because I didn’t help them, two or more leave with the book, the form, the print out, the library card that made their day.  Just cause they don’t immediately smile or thank me, I don’t think they appreciate the work any less.

And all for a bit of a raise (yes I appreciate that too.  Seriously at this time in life, it is great and the library is lovely, but I also have a loan to pay now.  There goes that raise.)  And this piece of paper :

Oh, also it gets me into the janitor’s closet and the story room!